


Color

by EverShadow



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-19
Updated: 2012-07-31
Packaged: 2017-11-08 03:25:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/438611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverShadow/pseuds/EverShadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Glee club loses a friend, everyone feels it. But one glee member feels it so much more than the others and embarks on her own journey to discover how to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lima, Ohio, Present Day

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: I'm importing this over from FF.net. I'll be editing it as I go, because there are a few errors. Please enjoy!

Chapter 1: Lima, Ohio, Present Day

** Color  **

****Quinn and Rachel happened to be in town the same day. Both of them brought flowers, Quinn brought white daisies and Rachel brought pink roses. When they saw each other at the entrance, they flashed each other a surprised look followed by a quick smile.

"Hey. I didn't know you were going to be here." Quinn said.

"Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it?" Rachel replied. "Are you here for..."

"Yeah." Quinn cut her off before she could say anymore. The two walked along side each other down the stone path, passing a fountain before continuing to speak.

"What brings you back to Lima?" Quinn asked.

"Oh, you know...it's..." Rachel trailed off.

"The anniversary." Quinn finished. Rachel smiled sadly at the ground, trying so hard not to tear up.

"It's been, what, five years since then?"

"Yeah. Five years." Quinn replied. "How's Finn doing?"

"Finn's going for his masters. He has a huge assignment due otherwise he would be here." Rachel stated. "We finally got an apartment together once he got his teaching fellowship." Quinn smiled at the thought.

"I never thought Finn would even get past college."

"He's really passionate about education. Something about following in Mr. Shuester's footsteps, I guess." Rachel explained.

"And you're still on Broadway?"

"Off-Broadway, for now at least. But I'm going to audition for a new piece by Schwartz. I'm going for the lead." Rachel flashed a hopeful grin in Quinn's direction.

"I hope you get it. You were the best singer out of all of us." Quinn touched her shoulder gently and the brunette welcomed the warmth of her fingers. It was such a cold day out, nothing surprising given that it was November but it was perhaps this day in particular that made it particularly bitter.

"How's Puck?"

"Oh, you know, out being a rock star and all that. He's on tour right now. Last I heard he was somewhere in Tennessee. He sends postcards every now and then and I get to call him during the evenings if he isn't busy with a gig."

"Sounds like he's doing well." Rachel said. "I mean, it was always his dream to..." Quinn stopped in midstep, causing Rachel to stumble forward a little. "Quinn?" Quinn had gone an unhealthy pale and her mouth dropped. Rachel had never seen a look so scared and so surprised on the blonde's face before. She followed her gaze forward and nearly dropped her flowers when she saw what the blonde was so focused on. "Oh my god." Rachel whispered. "It can't be..."

A woman in a tan trench coat stood about a hundred feet ahead with her back facing the two of them. Her hair was about shoulder length and she held a bouquet of yellow daisies in her arms, cradled like it was a child. She knelt down and put the flowers on the soft grass in front of the tomb stone. She rested her head against the tomb stone and put one hand on it. Quinn heard her whisper something.

"I've missed you..." The woman said.

"Quinn..." Rachel grabbed her arm. "Quinn...that's..."

"Shut up...I know." Quinn hissed. She thought back to a conversation she had with Puck two days ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was 3 in the morning when Puck called her. She looked at her cellphone angrily.

"What?" She demanded, putting the phone to her ear.

"Quinn. I saw her." He said urgently.

"Her?" Quinn asked.

"Quinn, I saw her. She's here. I talked with her for all of three seconds. Quinn, she's alive and she's well." Quinn suddenly got a lot more awake.

"Are you serious? We haven't seen or heard from her in years." Quinn hissed.

"I think she's going back to Lima. She acted like she didn't even know who I was. She just said 'I don't know who you're talking about' and left. But I know it was her. She hasn't changed since...since then." Quinn felt her blood run cold. Puck's words trickled in syllable by syllable and she closed her eyes to absorb it all.

"Are you sure?" She demanded.

"I overheard her talking with the bartender asking how long it took to get from here to Lima."

"Oh my god."

"Q, you need to get on a plane to Lima right now. If she's going back, this could be our only chance." Quinn turned on her laptop and booked the soonest flight she could find, despite the fact that it cost a good fortune for being so last minute and business class too. But money was the last thing on her mind. A thousand thoughts flew through her brain and she tried to sort through them all.

_We haven't seen her since she ran away._

_What the hell has she been doing?_

_Does she know we've been worried sick about her?_

_Why is she coming back to Lima after all this time away?_

_Should I call the others?_

_Oh god...I don't even know what to say to her on the off chance I see her there_.

And then Quinn realized what it was that was bringing her back to Lima and she dropped her cellphone. Puck on the other end kept saying "hello" but Quinn pressed the red button. She let her head fall into her hands and she cried while the website registered her flight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The impossible was happening right now. That same girl that vanished so many years ago was kneeling in front of the gravestone. Quinn took a few steps forward, not sure what to say and all too afraid that saying anything at all would scare her away again.

"We need to think about this. Oh god. Oh god." Rachel whispered.

"Now is not the time to be freaking out, Berry." Quinn snapped.

"You two are about as subtle as a locomotive." The woman chuckled, standing up. "You think I couldn't hear you from a mile away, mouth breathers?" She turned around. Quinn held her breath and planted her feet firmly into the ground, prepared to stop the woman if she tried to make a break for it. The woman in front of her noticed her stance.

"Relax." She said, putting up her hand. "I'm not going anywhere. I trust Puck told you about his little meeting with me?"

"Where have you been these past few years?" Rachel asked. The woman shrugged.

"Physically? Everywhere. Emotionally? With her." She jerked a thumb back at the gravestone. "Still am." She added sadly. Rachel fought the urge to hug her. She could tell that it wouldn't have done any good. Quinn on the other hand walked right over to her, put the flowers down beside the yellow daisies and slapped her hard. Her cold hand left a quickly reddening mark on the other woman's cheek.

"You act like nothing has happened." Quinn yelled.

"Quinn!" Rachel exclaimed. The woman smirked.

"And?"

"You left us four years and nine months ago, precisely three months after it happened. You left all of us, floundering at nationals, worried to death about where you were, what you were doing, if you had..." Quinn trailed off.

"Died?" The woman finished. "Like I said, emotionally, I'm with her."

"Don't give me that." Quinn's eyes narrowed dangerously. "We all lost her, ok?"

"You didn't lose her like I did!" The woman shouted, then as if startled by her own anger, clasped a hand over her mouth and turned away. "You didn't...you didn't love her like I did."

"I'm sorry..." Quinn touched her shoulder. "Just...just go. Leave your flowers and go."

"No. I want us to talk. I don't want you disappearing again without telling us anything. You're our friend and I'd rather go to hell than let you do that to us again." Quinn demanded.

"Please, just talk to us. You owe us that much. Let's just go for coffee...and after that...you can do whatever you want." Rachel pleaded. Quinn whipped around. She was not going to be satisfied with just that but Rachel looked at her with eyes that said,  _"let's take it slow..."_

"Fine. Just coffee." The woman replied. "But give me a minute here, ok?" Quinn looked at her skeptically. "I promise I won't run off. If you're worried, my car is out front, the blue one, ok? I won't run away." Quinn nodded and turned around. Rachel walked up and put her flowers to the left of the others. She gave the woman a sad smile and hugged her, despite her earlier conclusion. To her surprise, the woman didn't push her away and Rachel took it as an acceptance. Together, the two walked back to the entrance. As soon as they disappeared from view, the woman turned back around. She stuck her hand in her pockets and knelt down again.

"Hey." She whispered, tracing the letters on the grave. "I'm sorry I didn't visit for so long. It's me, B. It's Santana."


	2. Lima, Ohio, Present Day II

_Lima, Ohio, Five Years Ago_

"WHOO! TAKE IT OFF!" Puck shouted obnoxiously to Quinn who was taking off her beer stained shirt. She glared angrily at the mohawked boy who had been the reason for her drenched state.

"Puck, shut up." She hissed. Kurt draped his blazer over her shoulders.

"Come on, let's find you something to wear." He said, leading her up to his room. Puck shrugged and down the rest of his cup. He looked around.

"Who wants to play spin the bottle?" He asked, grabbing the nearest empty beer bottle. Rachel shook her head.

"Puck, look around. Who is single? And who would want to kiss you?" She said. Puck took one glance around the room. Tina and Artie were racing around the room in his wheelchair. Rachel and Finn were holding hands while Finn stared suspiciously at Puck. Mercedes looked like if he tried anything, she'd mount his head as a decorative item on her wall. That left Matt and Mike, neither of whom Puck wanted to go anywhere near in a sexual way.

"Hold on, where are Santana and Brittany?" He asked.

"Probably making out somewhere." Mercedes replied. All the guys in the room went silent and coughed awkwardly, suddenly feeling slightly uncomfortable, especially in the case of how their pants were quickly becoming too tight.

"Anyway, it's not like they'd want to make out with anyone in this room anyway." Rachel said quickly, trying to bring the focus back to the issue at hand.

"Hey, I made out with both of them!" Puck defended. "Maybe they want a threesome."

"How stupid are you?" Mercedes snapped. "They're obviously in love with each other."

"Mercedes is right." Kurt interrupted, coming back down the steps. "Besides, ever since the two of them came back from California, Santana hasn't taken off a certain accessory." He smiled coyly, pointing to his ring finger before doing a very Beyonce-esque dip. "Single ladies, they are not."

"Woah...wait..." Finn said, putting out a hand. "You don't mean..."

"Uh, duh." Mercedes replied, rolling her eyes. "Rachel, really, get his brain checked out. I think maybe the helmet doesn't help enough."

"Are you serious? I thought it was just a friggin trinket or something." Puck said in disbelief.

"Right. The two of them just happened to get matching 'trinkets' and came out hardcore as a couple to the point where Sue contemplated kicking them off before admiring their 'attention grabbing stunts.'" Kurt said sarcastically.

"They're engaged?" Mike's voice was unnaturally high pitched.

"If those rings are any indication." Kurt nodded. As if sensing that they were the subject of conversation, Santana and Brittany walked back in the room from the backyard, giggling. Santana's hair was tousled and her make up smeared. Brittany was falling all over her and kissing her on the cheek every few seconds.

"Where have you two been?" Kurt asked with a smile.

"None of your business." Santana slurred. Kurt raised his eyebrow knowingly.

"Nice...hickey, Santana." He commented. Santana clapped a hand against her neck where a dark red mark showed plainly.

"Damn it Brittany." She muttered, leaning against the blonde. Everyone in the room was more focused on their hands, linked together. More importantly, they were focused on Brittany's left hand, nestled between Santana's. A small silver ring gleamed brightly on her ring finger.

"What's your problem?" Santana snapped, not too drunk to notice everyone's gaze.

"Baby..." Brittany leaned over and petted her head, trying to get her to calm down. "Can you get me some water? I'm thirsty..." Santana stood up in a huff and walked up the stairs. Brittany's gaze followed her lovingly.

"So...spill." Mercedes sat down next to Brittany.

"Heeey..." Brittany said drunkenly. "That's San's seat."

"Oh, I'll get out of it as soon as she gets back." Mercedes replied. "So...what's with the shiny?" She gestured towards Brittany's hand. Brittany giggled and smiled more widely than most of the club had seen her smile.

"It's a secret. Santana told me I can't tell you we're going to be together forever." Upon hearing this, Rachel and Tina squealed at the top of their lungs.

"I knew it!" Rachel screamed and clasped both her hands over her mouth. Kurt smiled and then, upon looking at Brittany's skirt, colored and turned away.

"Um. Brit. I love you, girl, but you're missing something." He said awkwardly. Brit looked puzzled for a second before standing up suddenly.

"Ah! I forgot my panties in the backyard!" Everyone in the room went dead silent as the blonde skipped out of the room. Puck's eyes trailed after her, trying to catch a glimpse. After a minute, Santana stumbled back down, holding a glass of water. Everyone in the room started cheering and Rachel grabbed Santana's free hand and shook it.

"If I may speak on behalf of everyone, congratulations!" Rachel said.

"Ok, what the hell?" Santana said, eying everyone warily.

"You know, most high school relationships don't last very long. I'm surprised you'd be such a romantic to propose." Kurt stated. Santana's jaw dropped.

"Who the fuck told?"

"Your fiancee." Kurt replied with flourish. "Besides, we're not blind." He cast a look over his shoulder at the other boys. "Well, at least the non-mentally challenged ones. We know matching rings when we see them."

"Oh my god." Santana sat down on the steps.

"So how did you do it?" Mercedes asked.

"No, shut up."

"Was it in a restaurant? Were you all dressed up and did you kneel? Oh my god, did she cry?" Tina asked.

"I bet you did it in a field somewhere with stars above your head." Rachel said dreamily.

"I bet she did it after they had sex." Puck suggested.

"She did it, ok?" Santana yelled, trying to get everyone to stop making her head hurt. It did the job and there was a surprised silence.

"Woah, Brit...baller." Artie said.

"Ok, there, I said it. Now where is she?" Santana felt like burying her face in the ground. She was sure that she was red, and not just from the alcohol.

"I saw her headed towards the pool just a minute ago." Quinn said, finally coming back down the stairs.

"I bet she's planning on skinny dipping." Puck leered.

"It looked like she dropped something in the water." Quinn replied, smacking him upside the head. Everyone laughed but for Santana, everything else drowned out. Words blurred together and she saw the glass of water drop from her hands. Everything became slow motion as she stood up.

"BRITTANY!" She screamed and her voice sounded unnaturally hoarse. Everyone turned to look at her as she bolted towards the back door. "SHE CAN'T SWIM!" Suddenly everyone was on their feet and racing past the glass door. Santana was the first to reach the pool and let out a choked sob when she saw Brittany floating in the water. She jumped in.

"Santana!" Puck shouted. Santana swam towards the blonde and grabbed her but she couldn't do anything. Suddenly, there was another splash and in a few strokes, Puck was beside her towing the blonde back to the edge. Everyone helped the three out of the water and Puck, the only one CPR trained, began performing resuscitation. Artie was on his phone calling 911. Finn held Rachel close and everyone else huddled in a circle.

"Baby." Santana said, taking her hand. She looked down and saw that her hand was clenched around something. Her grip went slack for a moment and Santana caught a glimpse of silver. Brittany was holding the ring. Santana looked from the ring to the pool and back.

"No...no...no." She whispered as the scenario played out in her head. Brittany never takes the ring off. The ring must've dropped into the water and Brittany being drunk and in love with Santana must've dove in after it.

"Baby, baby, please." Santana begged. Puck pushed down on her chest.

"Come on." He grunted. "Come on." He placed his lips against hers and blew air into her mouth. "Come on."

"Baby...Brittany..." Santana sobbed and took her hand and held it close. "B..." In the dim light, the silver ring on Santana's hand sparkled in tandem with the one clutched against Brittany's palm. In the distance, Santana could hear the sirens approaching while Puck continued pushing against Brittany's chest and trying to force her to breathe again. Santana let out a heartbroken cry that shook everyone's core and she gripped Brittany's rapidly cooling hand harder.

* * *

_Lima, Ohio, Present Day_

Santana blew the steam off the top of her coffee before taking a small sip. She grimaced at the burnt taste and looked outside across the street. Nothing had changed. Lima was still exactly like she left it, bad coffee and all. Rachel glanced at her left hand where a now faded silver ring rested.

"You still wear that?" She asked. Quinn kicked her from under the table. Santana didn't even blink before responding.

"Why not? It keeps people away and it reminds me of her." She replied.

"Is that healthy?" Quinn asked.

"Doesn't matter to me." She said nonchalantly. "My coffee is half done so you'd better hurry up with the questions. Make them good, so far they've been stupid."

"Where have you been?" Rachel nodded in agreement to Quinn's question. Santana sighed and leaned back.

"Ho boy. Where haven't I been?" She sighed.

"Start from the beginning." Rachel suggested.

"That's a lot more than a cup of coffee." Santana pointed out. Quinn grabbed the arm of a nearby waitress.

"Make sure her cup is never empty." She said, pointing to Santana's mug. The waitress nodded and Santana laughed.

"You're serious."

"Deadly." Quinn replied. Santana folded her arms.

"Look, it's a long story."

"And I'm here for another two days because my $1,093 flight doesn't leave until Friday." Quinn leveled her gaze at Santana, determined not to let her back away. Santana shrugged.

"Whatever, your time, not mine." She said.

"So...where did you go? I mean...one minute you were in school, doing glee, Cheerios...and the next day you just vanished." Rachel prodded.

"You remember the summer before our senior year? Before that year?" Santana asked. The two nodded. "Remember how Brittany and I went on a road trip the entire summer? Jumping from couch to couch, sleeping in the car, sometimes staying with a friend or relative? I did that. I couldn't stay in Lima, that's for sure. So I started driving and before I knew it, I was out of the state. I just kept going. I realized I was taking the same route that Brittany and I took."

"So you went on the same road trip again?" Quinn clarified.

"Pretty much. Told you it was boring."  
"For five years?"

"Time goes by, doesn't it." Santana stated plainly.

"Five years, Santana. That's a fucking long time. Why?"

"Why do you think? I needed time away to figure things out." She looked at her watch. "Well, look at the time. And I'm done my coffee." She stood up.

"Sit the fuck back down." Quinn demanded. Santana's eyes narrowed.

"Make me, blondie." She snapped before scooting out of the booth.

"Santana! You can't do that!"

"Watch me." Santana left the diner. Rachel grabbed Quinn's arm.

"We can't just let her leave like that." She whispered. Quinn nodded.

"I know where she's going." She said, dropping a few dollars and following the brunette. Sure enough, they wound up in the cemetery again.

"They're persistent, aren't they?" Santana said to the gravestone. "You think they'll ever leave me alone? No? Damn. Do you want to hear my story too, B?" She sat down next to the grass and leaned against the round edge. She watched as Quinn and Rachel sat down close by, watching her as if she was going to get up and sprint away at any second. Santana sighed. She was tired of running.

"Well, remember that summer...?" She began. "It kinda begins there."


	3. Cape Cod, MA, Memories

_Lima, Ohio, Summer Before Senior Year_

Brittany lay on Santana's bed, playing with the blanket. Santana was looking over the forms she needed to fill out for cheerleading camp that summer. She chewed on the pen in her hand.

"Hey San?" Brittany whispered.

"Hmm?" Santana replied.

"Do you really want to do cheerleading camp? I mean, Coach Sylvester told us that the instructor was about as useful as a beached whale and then said she kinda looked like one on top of that. I didn't really get much better either."

"Well then what do you suggest we do?" Santana asked. "Do you really want to stay in Lima all summer doing nothing? I think I'd kill myself." Brittany flopped onto her stomach and scooted over to the edge where Santana was leaning.

"I want to see the sunrise." She said.

"Ok. We'll get up every morning at 4 and climb onto the roof of the dorm so you can see the sunrise." Santana suggested.

"Not from cheerleading camp!" Brittany giggled. "I want to see it over the ocean!"

"Like...the Atlantic ocean..." Santana stated, turning to look at Brittany. "B, that's like...a day's worth of driving away from cheerleading camp."

"Then we're not going to cheerleading camp." Brittany replied. "Come on, San...my aunt lives right on the beach. We could stay with her!"

"Your...gay...aunt." Santana clarified.

"Yeah, she's happy."

"And married to a woman." The brunette pointed out.

"That too." Brittany added. "Come on, San, we could go there for a few days, and then...we'll see! If you want to come back and do cheerleading camp. But can we go? Pleaassee? This'll be the last vacation we'll have as high school students. Pleeaaassee?" She pouted and gave Santana puppy dog eyes. Santana sighed.

"B, this is ridiculous. We haven't planned anything out!"

"Sure we did!" Brittany flopped on her back and started counting on her fingers. "You have a car. I have an aunt. Let's go!"

"That's not what I mean, B. I mean we can't just up and leave. I have to clear it with my parents and you have to clear it with yours. And then we have to call up your aunt..." Without warning, Brittany got off the bed and all but sprinted downstairs. Santana gave an exasperated sigh and chased after her, knowing full well what she was going to do. She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where her mom was preparing dinner.

"Hey, Mrs. Lopez!" Brittany chimed in.

"Hi girls, dinner isn't ready yet." Mrs. Lopez said.

"Um...I was wondering..."

"Mom, don't listen to her. She's gone crazy." Santana interjected. Brittany shot her a "hush you" look before continuing.

"So...Santana and I..."

"Just her, mom. Not me."

"Well, I was thinking that since it was the last summer before junior year..."

"It's the only summer before junior year." Santana corrected but Brittany ignored her.

"I wanted to take Santana and go out to the east coast! My aunt Katie lives over there and I'm sure she'd be happy to let us stay with her for a couple of days."

"What about cheerleading camp?" Mrs. Lopez asked.

"I dunno. Maybe we'll skip it." Brittany shrugged.

"We are not skipping cheerleading camp!" Santana all but shouted. "God..." She folded her arms. Her mom kept chopping up the eggplant and Santana counted down the seconds before she rejected the idea.

"I think that's a great idea." Santana almost fell over in shock.

"Mom!"

"Oh, San." Her mom rolled her eyes. "You've been going to cheerleading camp and coming back complaining how you didn't learn anything! Why waste money on something that's completely unnecessary? I think you should go with Brittany, it'll be fun."

"Mom!" Santana repeated. "I can't just..."

"Yay! I'm going to go call my mom and tell her!" Santana didn't even have a chance to register what was going on in the house when Brittany opened up her phone and dialed home. Santana knew what Brittany's mother was going to say. It was going to be the same response she gave whenever Brittany asked if Santana could sleep over, or go to a party or do just about anything.

"She said yes!" Brittany squealed as if she were surprised by the response.

"But your aunt..."

"She loves me, she'll definitely say yes!" Brittany replied, opening up her phone again and dialing a different number. Santana looked at her mom, pleading with her eyes to make the madness stop. Her mother simply smiled at her when Brittany hung up and hugged Santana saying that everyone had agreed. Santana felt like curling up in her bed and waiting until this dream was all over.

It certainly didn't register when Santana found herself loading up two dufflebags in the back of her blue mini coop roughly a week later. When she stopped and looked at Brittany, printed out sheets of directions in hand while Santana herself held the bags of clothes, towels and other necessities, she all but gave up.

"How the hell did I let myself get talked into this?" She wondered but she knew the answer. It was the same way that she got talked into doing glee. When Sue Sylvester needed spies in the group, Santana initially didn't care but Brittany, after seeing the performance in the auditorium, was so excited by the prospect.

"They get to dance! All the time! And sing!" Brittany bounced around excitedly. When Santana had said that glee was stupid, Brittany pouted and batted her eye lashes until Santana, in a huff, gave in. It was the same way that Brittany had gotten them to "experiment" with each other the first time (but not the subsequent times. Santana would never admit that it was much better with Brittany than any of her boyfriends.)

Of course, this time was no exception. So, dazed and confused at six in the morning, Santana got into the car with Brittany in the passenger seat. Her mother leaned in through the window.

"You girls have fun." She said, winking at Santana. Santana felt like she wanted to bang her head against the wheel of the car until she woke up. "Not too much fun. Brit, I'm asking you to keep an eye on Santana."

"Yes Ma'am!" Brittany did a fake salute and Santana mouthed "oh my god why" several times. She started the car and backed out of the driveway, Brittany cheering her on. By the time Santana realized that all she had to do was fake engine trouble, they were well on their way out of Ohio.

"I just want to make one thing clear." Santana said firmly.

"Yeah?"

"We are only staying there for a few days, no more."

"Ok, San, whatever you say." Brittany replied but they both somehow knew it was going to be more than just a few days. If the four dufflebags in the back were any indication, they had enough clothes for two weeks. Brittany kept herself busy by turning on the radio and rolling down the windows singing at the top of her lungs to Rhianna. Santana had to fight back a smile that time. No matter what the situation, Brittany could always make it lighthearted. As much as she didn't understand why she was driving well over ten hours to Boston where Brittany's gay aunt and her wife resided, some part of her couldn't resist the idea of spending time alone with the bubbly blond. In less than an hour, Santana had joined Brittany in practically screaming songs to the open wind.

Four rest stops and eleven hours later, they arrived in Cape Cod. Santana and Brittany had taken turns driving so that Santana wouldn't wear herself out and it was Brittany who pulled into the driveway of a small beach house only two miles from the actual shore. Two Yorkies dashed outside to greet them, followed by a tall blonde woman who looked startlingly similar to Brittany, just older and tanner.

"Hey Aunt Katie!" Brittany scrambled out of the car to give her a hug.

"Hey Baby B." Santana fought back a laugh when she heard the pet name. "Oh, look at you, you've grown so much."

"Thanks! This is Santana." Santana walked around the car and shook hands with her.

"It's nice to finally meet you." Katie said. "Brittany won't shut up about you. Whenever I talk to her it's always 'Santana and I did this' or 'Santana helped me do this.' It's good to put a face to the name."

"Thanks, it's nice to meet you too." Santana said politely. Brittany stooped down and picked up one of the Yorkies.

"San, this is Bungie! The other one is Cord. Bungie Cord!" She held the Yorkie close to Santana's face and she recoiled slightly upon receiving a doggie slobber facial. "He likes you!" Santana wiped away the drool and proceeded to get the bags from the back. She hauled two over one shoulder and two over the other.

"Where should I put them?" She asked.

"Oh, just drop them in the living room. We have a spare bedroom upstairs you two can share. I'll show you in just a minute." Katie shouted after her. When Santana went into the house, Katie turned to Brittany who was kissing and playing with Bungie.

"She's pretty." Katie observed. Brittany broke into a grin and stared at the doorway where Santana had entered.

"Yeah." She said bashfully.

"I can see why you're enamored. She's pretty, she's got a kickass body. Not as kickass as yours, B, but damn."

"I really, really like her Aunt Katie." Brittany admitted, putting Bungie down and picking up Cord. Her aunt smiled warmly.

"I remember the first time you called me up and told me about her." She reminisced. "You were almost in tears, B. You told me, 'Aunt K, how did you know you liked Aunt Ash?' You were so cute."

"I really like her." Brittany repeated.

"Do you love her?" Katie asked.

"Maybe..." Brittany chewed on her lip and then nodded. "Yeah."

"Does she love you?" Brittany cast a longing glance across the horizon.

"I dunno." She answered. "I mean...we...we do stuff all the time. But she does that with boys too. She said that 'sex wasn't dating' and that we're Cheerios and we can't do stuff like kiss in school." Katie nodded knowingly.

"I know how you feel, Baby B." She put a hand on Brittany's shoulder. "She's probably just scared." The two of them turned towards the house when they heard a loud crash followed by a string of muffled curses.

"San!" Brittany put the Yorki down and headed up the stairs.

"B!" Katie shouted. Brittany turned around, glancing nervously inside the house because there was another loud thud. "You're in Cape Cod. Make things happen!" Brittany flashed her a quick smile before running inside to assist Santana in whatever she was doing. Her aunt stood outside with the dogs excitedly running around the car. She chuckled a little when she saw the silhouette of the two girls, the brunette leaning on the blond for support as they headed to the kitchen to find a first aid kit. _They grow up too fast_ , she thought to herself.

"Ok, come on BC, let's go!" She said, clapping her hands and racing the two brown dogs up the stairs and into the house. It was the beginning of the long stay for Brittany and Santana on the east coast.


	4. Cape Cod, MA, February 5 Years Ago

Lima, Ohio, Five Years Ago

The week following the death, Santana didn't go back to school. She in fact refused to get up from her bed or even move. Most of the time she slept but her dreams were dominated by images of Brittany walking away, usually smiling invitingly at Santana and beckoning her to follow but Santana was always rooted to the spot and couldn't chase after her until Brittany disappeared from sight. She'd wake up from these dreams and curl up in a ball and cry. Gone was the warmth of Brittany's smile replaced by the cold darkness and the realization sunk in that the blond was not lying next to her. There were many days where she wished she didn't have to wake up to the fact that Brittany was not brushing the hair back from her eyes or telling her that the past week was just a bad dream.

Her parents couldn't get her to eat, or talk and would only leave her room on rare occasions. Her mother knocked on the door to her room for the fiftieth time, trying to persuade her daughter to come out.

"Mija?" Her mother whispered. "Please come out. Honey, your dad and I are worried sick about you. Come out and talk to us please." She had repeated the same exact sentence multiple times over the week and she didn't expect this particular time to work either without anything extra to add. This time, she held a letter in one hand.

"We just got a letter from Brittany's parents. They said the funeral is in three days." She waited and heard the soft sobs fade. That usually meant that Santana had exhausted herself to sleep. Just as she was about to head downstairs, Santana opened the door. Her eyes were red from crying and there were still fresh tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Mom..." Santana's voice shook so hard it seemed like she would fall apart at any moment. Her mother fought back her own tears at seeing her daughter in such a state. She walked over and cradled Santana in her arms.

"It's ok, baby." She reassured.

"No it's not, mom. I loved her." Santana cried.

"I know baby..." Santana tore herself from her mom's embrace.

"I really loved her." Santana repeated it over and over and her mother kept whispering comforting words, knowing that they were doing little to ease the pain.

That night Santana had her first meal. It was simple, just a peanut butter sandwich and milk but it was a something. Her mother sat next to her and watched her eat. Santana had to pause several times and just cry but it would pass and she'd take another bite until she finally finished.

"Mija, take a shower. You've been stuck in your room all week." Her mother suggested and Santana mechanically got up from the table and walked upstairs. Her mother cleaned up the dishes and sighed softly to herself. It was a start.

* * *

Everyone from glee attended the funeral. There was not a single dry eye in the crowd the day they buried sunshine embodied. But there was one person who didn't attend and her absence was the most glaring thing that day. Santana was no where to be seen. Quinn looked around and texted her furiously during the entire thing, trying to figure out what possessed Santana to miss such an important day.

"Where is she?" Rachel whispered. Quinn shrugged and mouthed "I don't know."

It was around ten at night when a figure walked through the cemetery. In her hands she held a bouquet of yellow daisies, Brittany's favorite kind of flowers. Santana knelt down before the grave and put down the flowers among the others.

"Hey B..." She whispered before she broke down in quiet sobs, hand rested on the top of the grave stone.

It wasn't like Santana missed much of school. They were close to winter break anyway so Santana got through classes by counting down the minutes until she could speed off to the graveyard and sit down next to Brittany's grave. Her parents only saw her late at night when she returned, curled up in bed and fell asleep. Every week Santana brought fresh flowers, even when it snowed and covered everything. She dusted the snow off before setting the flowers down.

As it neared Christmas, Santana did something so childish that if her past self had seen her, she would've slapped her. Santana took out a sheet of paper and wrote furiously.

_Dear Santa, or God, or whatever the hell is out there._

_Please, all I want for Christmas is Brittany back._

After writing those two lines, she pushed herself back from the desk, looked at the writing and covered her face. She was willing to try anything to bring back the feel of Brittany's hand curled around hers, or her soft kisses against her forehead when she was feeling bad. She folded the paper and went outside. She got into her car, her breath white in the air and drove to Brittany's grave. When she got there, she took the sheet of paper with the wish written down and let the strong wind take it away. She looked down at the gravestone.

"Please, please come back to me." She pleaded.

On Christmas Day, when Santana woke up, a small flicker of hope ignited when the doorbell rang and woke her up. Heart pounding, Santana threw on a bathrobe and raced downstairs. She all but flung the door open but the instant she did, her heart dropped. Standing outside, decked out in winter gear were all the members of glee.

"Merry Christmas, Santana." Rachel said before everyone launched into Christmas carols. Santana stood in the doorway, forcing a smile. She looked up at the sky and felt foolish for letting herself hope that maybe, just maybe someone had granted her wish and brought the light and color back into her life.

"Merry Christmas, B." She whispered so softly no one could hear

When school started back up, everyone could tell that Santana had changed, perhaps permanently. She was colder, meaner and more ruthless without Brittany. Sue Sylvester didn't mind. She saw a bit of herself in Santana with her blatant disregard for the well being of her teammates and her sudden obsession with perfection.

This carried over to glee where she berated anyone who messed up during the numbers. At first, her fellow glee members let it slide, knowing exactly how hurt she was and that this was her coping mechanism. But after a few weeks they were fed up with Santana taking her anger out on everyone. When Kurt stumbled over Santana, she immediately turned on him with all the wrath of an irritated snake.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you fucking fairy?" She snapped. Kurt had enough.

"For the love of all things good, Santana, shut the fuck up! Everyone here has lost her. Don't think that just because you were in love with her that it entitles you to blow up at everyone else! You need to do what we've all started doing a month ago and fucking get over her!" The instant he finished, he clapped a hand over his mouth. Everyone went silent and Mr. Schuester moved towards the two of them, ready to intervene in the murder of a one Kurt Hummel. Santana clenched her teeth and hands and she literally shook with rage. Tears streamed from her eyes as she glared at Kurt with all the hate she could muster. If there was one thing the school learned was not to mention Brittany at all around Santana. The boys in the room stood up, also ready to stop the impending attack. Santana walked over to Kurt and the boys moved in closer.

"Santana..." Mr. Schuester warned. Santana stared into Kurt's frightened eyes.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. Santana was trembling so hard and she lifted her hand to slap him.

"Fuck you." She hissed and walked out of the choir room. The instant she walked by, Kurt sat down, visibly affected by the incident just then.

"I shouldn't have said anything." He muttered over and over again.

"You need to apologize to her." Mercedes said and Kurt nodded. He spent the next several hours coming up with a suitable apology for what he just did to her. He went to school the next day and waited by Santana's locker. When she didn't show up that day, he waited until the next day. But as the days passed, it became apparent that Santana was not coming back.

* * *

The night after Kurt had all but torn out her heart, Santana lay in her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. She held a lumpy, misshapen duck against her chest and didn't move for hours. When she did, it was a mere glance down at the stuffed animal.

 _"I want to see the sunrise!"_  The image of Brittany's smiling face flashed through Santana's head.  _"I want to see it over the ocean."_ Santana sat up and looked at the duck. Without thinking too much, she got off the bed and slipped into her shoes. She went out to the car and got in. She put the duck in the passenger seat and pulled out of her driveway. She started driving and in a few minutes, she was at the edge of town. She drove until she saw the sign that said "Welcome to New York." She suddenly felt sick and pulled over, resting her head on the wheel.

It suddenly dawned on her that if they never went on that road trip, maybe Brittany wouldn't have died. She never would have proposed. She wouldn't have dropped the ring in the pool because those rings wouldn't have been there in the first place. Santana got out of the car and threw up on the side of the road. She walked back to the car. If she had been more firm about going to cheerleading camp, Brittany would be alive. These thoughts raced through her head and she hit her head against the car door.

Brittany would still be alive if Santana had done any of these things and Santana could think of a million.

"B...B I can't do this without you." Santana cried. She sat against he car until she calmed down. When she felt like she could move again, she stood up and got back into the car and kept going. She hardly remembered the rest of the drive. One hour blended into the next and by eight, she found herself pulling up to the shore. The sun was barely rising.

"It's just as pretty as I remember it, B." Santana whispered, getting out of the car. She climbed on the roof and let the warmth of the first rays hit her face. She pulled her knees up to her chest and exhaled deeply. She closed her eyes and pretended that Brittany was leaning up against her, keeping her warm in the cold February morning.

"I'm coming B." She jumped off the hood of her car and began walking towards the morning sun.

It would be fitting, really if she drowned herself. Fairly painless too since she knew that the cold water would put her in shock and then drown her. And then she could finally be with Brittany. She had contemplated suicide before but she never had the energy. But now, with the sunrise and the beach, it never seemed like a better idea. She walked towards the rolling waves and closed her eyes.

Just as her feet hit the sand, she heard barking from behind her.

"Santana?" She turned around. Katie stood beside her car, staring wide eyed at the girl. Her resemblance to Brittany broke all the resolve Santana had and she broke down in violent sobs. Katie was cradling her close in seconds.

"I miss her. I miss her." Santana sobbed. Katie just held the girl tightly. Her heart broke for this brunette. She was so small and frail in her arms and she could tell that Santana could fall apart at any moment. Katie held her as if she were the only thing keeping the trembling girl together.


End file.
